How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
