Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
