Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm like, not good at living.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
