3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
