We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
