every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
