That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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