She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
