I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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