I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
