Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's never too late to be topless.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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