I could make wine with my vomit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
