shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
