I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize