dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
