Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You are a genius and a whore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
