dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
