This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
