"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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