Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
