Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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