Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
