so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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