He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
