Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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