Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize