I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
