I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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