My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
