Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
