the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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