it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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