I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
