i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize