The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize