I've blown a few things in my day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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