i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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