thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
