I skipped work to stalk him.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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