He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
