My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
