I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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