I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you.
Bad choice
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
