wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
