i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
