Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize