And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
