Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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