i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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