I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
