me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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