Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
