she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
