I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
did i just pee glitter
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
