my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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