On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
