I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
farters have to be the big spoon...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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