if you like me you must not know who I am
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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