when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're like the curious george of whores
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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