Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
