He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
