You can't motorboat a personality
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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