What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
