It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
