Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
