Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize