I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my sisters under your porch take her home
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
