my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
And then he peed in my hair
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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