i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
