fuck your aforementioned shoe
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
