On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
