3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
