oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize