You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
