Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
