No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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