Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
