I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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