I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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