dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
