Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
