forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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