Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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