I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
