I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
