You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Help. Why am I so naked?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
