Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
please come you make the beer taste better
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
pop tarts are not kleenex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
