ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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