The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
