Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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